May 05, 2012

Familia; family.

Nobody in this world is perfect.

I'd love to believe that adults are often the ones who should make the most sense, be the ones who uphold values they want us to maintain and to set examples for us to follow. That they are perfect beings, who will always be correct, always be the ones who are right and know what to do in any situation.

Unfortunately it's not always the case. Even my parents often make mistakes, as all parents do. All our parents fall victim to tempers at some point.

Me and my cousin are close. I am thankful for that. She has been the older sister I never had - we grew up together, went to Kindy, celebrated birthdays together, got into trouble together, and I know we will always be close. She's an example to me, and perhaps even everything I am not.

It is because we are close that we are capable of keeping to our objective no matter what happens in our family. We are there for each other, especially when my three cousins have to step up to handle the stress and the anxieties of my grandparents' deteriorative health. Tamie and Trevor are still young, and they have been forced to mature beyond their years to handle family responsibilities. Our priorities, especially on her part, have increased now that the 5 children of my grandparents don't get along. We don't need to know who's wrong or right, our priority is our grandparents.

My uncle will always be my uncle. His wife will always be my aunt. They've looked after me when i was a wee toddler, made me smile and taught me a lot. Blood runs thicker than water. My parents will always be great, always the best in my eyes, everyone is trying but sometimes they get angry. And when people get angry, tempers flare, and when tempers flare - the ones who ultimately suffer are our grandparents.

I don't take sides. neither does my cousin. We just want the 5 children to step up, grow a pair and remember that when they fight it's our grandparents who suffer.

I don't know why this post is here. I just feel like I have to write to clear my head. And maybe it's also for my cousin, if she ever reads this, so she'll know, I'm always here for her. We'll always be sisters, and she'll always be someone I look up to, and always be the one person who can be louder than me when we get into a conversation.

Above it all, I never stop believing that family, family above anything else, will ultimately pull through, and harmony will prevail.


  1. Super love and appreciate your honesty. It definitely feels good to know that we are not fighting the battle alone.

    Let's keep the spirits up and persevere!!

    And this spirit and unity will definitely go on and on between us!


  2. I was forwarded this well written post expressing your thoughts. It is great to place family above all.

    In all fairness, your mum is my favourite sibling since young. Still trying to find a soft spot to say it still is...

    Nonetheless, your family ranked highest in term of the frequencies of visits to your grand parent, you and your sis are the most frequently seen nieces at my home. I did peg high hope that your family can be a good pillar for us to take a break, but...maybe it is because of the higher expectations, leading to greater disappointments when thing didn't turn out 100%. Disappointment creeps in even at 90%.

    With the health conditions of both your grandparents, at time, we felt helpless when all my siblings are seemingly not around, hence you can see HT exclaiming 'full strength at last!' when we come back from oversea trips.

    Your grandpa is physically deteriorating, we have to look out for physical symptoms (just like over the weekend) while caring for your grandma is more mentally straining. She forgets! Becoming more suspicious of almost everything around her...Worst case, as you may seen that she behaves perfectly during your visits or during the time you are with her. But little known to all of you, (if I may call you transient visitors) the whole episode will be forgotten.

    A key factor is that your grandma can't react to changes, and will be easily agitated, the worst case is, she take on familiar members when agitated, first your grandpa, your aunt, the domestic helpers in that order and not 'outsiders'. This is the only reason why we don't want any disruptions to our schedules. She is taking an anti-depression medication. It should be as routine as possible.

    As baffle as you, should there any siblings rivalry whatsoever just asking them to visit their parents?

    I created the opportunities for them to spend time by bringing them for medical appointment, after a while, it became long forgotten. Hence I stopped publishing the appointment. Telling them if anyone should be interested, they should call your grandpa, still nothing happened, until HT email, and appreciate your mum started taking the initiative.

    Do I gain or lose anything, if anyone of them come more frequent? (One of your aunt declared that she is free only in July sometime back in Mar when her kids turned 21st.)

    I am not aloft but do take pride that all my family members changed our very own lifestyles to accommodate these changes of my old folks, as well said by you, my parent will always be great!

    When I mentioned that all my siblings need to regain my respects, it is to express my disappointments that in the last 24 months, when all the ailments started, out of the 104 weeks, how much time was spent with their old folks?

    Who is not busy in today's world? Who don't need to earn 'more' money? But if one can't find time to spend with their parents, knowing that it is numbered, that is my disappointment.

    Blood runs thicker than water, there is no vested interests, we do hope to encompass yours as an extended family. Everyone is welcome!